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Oct. 27th, 2008 @ 12:04 am So Worth It.
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Oct. 26th, 2008 @ 11:31 pm "How To Be A Canadian" by Will Ferguson --Excerpt
Excerpt that made me giggle:

Canada's multi-layered, contextual use of eh? is often compared to the American use of huh?. This is erroneous. Americans don't have what it takes to wield an eh?. That may sound harsh, but it is true. The authors of this book have a whole slew of slack-jawed, thick-tongued American cousins who have never mastered the intricacies of end consonants. Simple sentences like "That was priddy good, eh?" come out as one extended vowel movement: "Thaa wuh raal guh, huh?"

Americans simply cannot speak Canadian. Their eh?s always come out too nasally, too loud and too self-conscious. ("So, how's it going... AYE?" as opposed to "Howzit goin', eh?")
If the U.S. and Canada ever go to war, this difference is going to come in very handy. "You wouldn't be a spy now, would'ja?" "Who me? No way... AYE?" Sound of gunfire, followed by a dying gasp of "Huuuuuhhh?"


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Aug. 25th, 2008 @ 03:33 pm What a jewel.
I'm going for a job interview at a jewelry place now that my cushy full-time job with the university is coming to the end of its contract.

And now, an hour before the interview, I'm concerned that they're going to ask about my jewelry choices.

*Motions to ring I always wear* "This is a claddagh ring I bought from Ireland..." *touches necklace* "this is a Scottish rose my best friend got me from Scotland..." *cups the spiral earrings* "and these are $3.99 from Suzy Shier."

And no doubt, at this point the interviewer will lean in and nod solemnly, "Ah yes, I can see the silver finish peeling off to display that coppery colour underneath..."
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Jul. 25th, 2008 @ 09:41 am Stagnancy
Dear Langles,

I'm sorry that I'm boring.

Fuck you,

Jelbb
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Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 03:27 pm Rogers Round Two-- *Ding Ding Ding!*
I literally have like... a prepared speech in my head before I go into Rogers this time. The gist is defending my case as a young adult and my right to be believed when I say that I was sold a faulty product.

Or... in this case, a missing product.

I asked for the manager, and the girl who came to the counter looked about 22.

"Hi," I say holding out the case to her, "I bought this DVD just before Christmas, opened it a day later only to find out there was no disc in it."
I hand her the receipt and she studies it for a second. I'm fully prepared for a second assault on my credibility as a human being and I add in, "Look, I know how sketchy this looks. It looks like I bought the DVD and am returning the case. I get that it looks bad, I already came in once and was practically accused of stealing it. But the fact of the matter is I spent $10 and didn't get anything but an empty case for it."

She glances up at this and says, "Who was working?"

I shrugged, "Some guy.. like an eighteen year old kid."

She pops open the case and nods, "Yeah, this has happened a couple of times; no DVD in the case. Feel free to go grab another $9.99 movie."

"Awesome, thanks."



So I wandered around and found myself a Freddie Prince Jr.-free movie (Disturbia) and took it up to the cash. As she was returning the one, and ringing through the other, she asked me again who was working, "What did he look like exactly? We've only got two guys working here, and I want to have a chat with whichever one it was."

"Err... probably about 18 years old," I gesture to my neck, "boy bead necklace..."

"Ah, yeah... Got it, I know which one it is. Thanks."

I feel somehow vindicated in getting some dipshit in trouble.

But I also am entirely non-confrontational, and am not sure I want to go to Rogers if I have to deal with BoyBeads again.

But huzzah! I have a movie!
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Dec. 29th, 2007 @ 06:53 pm Rogers Video can blow me.
I bought a used DVD from Rogers Video. Upon arriving home, there was no DVD in the case. I stuffed the receipt and the plastic wrapping back in the case and resolved to take it back when I had time.

Well, I just had time.

Rogers


The three 17 year old boys with their boy-bead necklaces standing behind the counter glanced up half-heartedly when I entered and one of them rolled his eyes and sauntered over to the counter when I plopped the case down.

"I just bought this a few days ago... and there's no DVD in the case."

He picks up the case, observes the lack of DVD, then stares at me for a few seconds until it becomes awkward.

"So... can I get a new movie, or what?"

He blinks, "Uhh.. we don't do exchanges on missing movies." he emphasizes the word "missing" in such a way that you can practically see the speech bubble above his head with the bolded quotations around the word. "Missing."

"Er. Okay. Can I get my money back?"

He blinks again, "Yeah, we don't do that."

"What? So I can't get my money back or a new movie?" A few more minutes of accusatory stares like this and even I was going to think that I stole the DVD.

His look has become downright belligerent and he adds matter-of-factly, "No. Because we check all the cases before we put them out."

"Oh yeah? Well you missed one." I snarled back.

My friend Brent feels this is a good time to pipe in, "This is god punishing you for buying the movie 'Head Over Heels,' Jess."

I swear to God, people. I UNDERSTAND that I'm 20 years old and as a result, society is predisposed to assuming that I'm a juvenile deliquent, but in a case such as this, they better give me the benefit of the fucking doubt. I'm a materialistic whore, folks. I buy used DVDs because I want the pretty DVD, the case AND the coverart. If I didn't care about that shit, I'd just rent the DVD and burn it!
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Dec. 27th, 2007 @ 08:32 am Juno-- See this movie.
I have never laughed so hard in my life. Juno was.. epic. Amazing. Hysterical.



"That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet."
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Dec. 24th, 2007 @ 10:27 pm Christmas Eve Torture- For Langles
I was dragged to a church pageant tonight, my stepbrother was one of the wise men. I'm not a big fan of organized religion in general, so church is usually me staring at the back wall or at squirming babies and toddlers and trying to look pensive and respectful all at once...

Tonight the minister told a children's story about a mouse who wasn't allowed in to see the baby Jesus by the other animals because the mouse didn't have a gift. She tried to sneak into a hole in the side of the stable and got stuck... and Joseph thanked her for plugging up the hole that was allowing the draft in-- that was her gift. The mouse ended the story by saying that she had given herself bodily to Jesus Christ for as long as he needed her.

Point: The minister used this story to ask the congregation to give themselves to Jesus by way of monetary donations to the church.

A squirming child at the back of the church in his mother's arms suddenly belted out, "NO!" to an impending silence that fell over the church.

I have never been so entertained and elated to have a two year old speak my mind for me in a very vocal manner...
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Oct. 4th, 2007 @ 09:20 pm SOC*2750; Aka., Desensitizing me a little more.
You know you've been reading too much of your Serial Murder course text when you start thinking that someone who abducts and strangles prostitutes before engaging in necrophilia with them is unoriginal.

I can't wait for this midterm to be over.
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Jun. 13th, 2007 @ 01:52 pm The Language Barrier.
Some of my Irish mates occasionally take the piss out of my accent, but to the greater extent we tend to understand each other fairly well. Every once in a while, though, a word or phrase comes up that just baffles me.

1. "You alright?"
More than once I've snuck up to the bar to have the bartender give me the chin-jerk greeting and say, "You alright?" And more than once I've been struck by the sudden urge to look down confusedly and search for bleeding wounds that I may have been unaware of before ensuring said bartender that, "I'm fine, why...?"

As it turns out, "You alright?" is a lot more along the same lines as "Can I help you?" and the correct response is not to assume they're concerned with your well-being, so much as it is, "Pint of Guinness, please."

2. "Oh, it was some good crack." "What's the crack?" "How's the crack?"
Upon first arriving in Ireland, one might assume that it is a country populated almost entirely hardcore drug-users. When someone first asked me "How's the crack?" or insisted that their night out was "good crack" I was a bit confused. Being someone who has never even smoked pot before, it's pretty surprising to discover that everyone here is so into coke...

As it turns out, it isn't actually spelt "crack," it's "craic." And it means, generally, like... fun.
"What's the craic?" : What's up?
"It was good craic.": It was a lot of fun.
"How's the craic?" : How's it going?

3. "Toilets."
Wandering through a popular grocery store here, I stopped a woman working there and asked, "Hi there, sorry, could you tell me where the washroom is?"
"....the what?"
"... the bathroom?"
"...."
"Toilets?"
"Oh, the toilets! Yeah, the toilets are through there and to the left."

Evidently, "bathroom" and "washroom" are not used. When you gotta go, you are going to the TOILETS, and that's final.

4. "What, so you're not any good like?"
There is something about Irish slang that means that they add "like" to the end of sentences incessantly where it doesn't need to be.. I guess in the same way we add "eh" to the end of ours?

Conversation:
"Yeah, you should come and play rugby with us."
"Ohhh, I don't think soooo..."
"What, so you're not any good, like?"

Alright, there are a ton more, but that's enough for now!
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Jun. 4th, 2007 @ 02:40 pm You must be shitting me.
More drama...?




...REALLY?
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Jun. 1st, 2007 @ 05:30 pm A Message to Langles:
One of my guy friends said "Oh my fuck." today and it made me miss you more than words can say.

He looked a bit frightened when I squealed with happiness upon hearing the expression.

Look what you've turned me into, you spaz-muffin.

Spaz Muffin Man


That's right. I drew that for your benefit, Langles.
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May. 26th, 2007 @ 12:45 pm Good fucking call.
Heather says:
"Hey. Feel like going to Scotland tomorrow?"

Jess says:
"...tomorrow...?"

Heather says:
"Do you have anything better to do?"

Jess says:
".... I... well.. damn. Not.. really, I guess..."
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May. 26th, 2007 @ 11:44 am Sick of being... well, you know.
Jess says:
On a scale of one to ten on the white trash scale of doom, where do you think I rank with blowing a litre and a half of snot out of my left nostril and swigging cough suppressant right from the bottle?

Loser Ashlyn. says:
11

Jess says:
Cheers.

Loser Ashlyn. says:
nee bother love


Less disgustingly:

Can anyone confirm that I am justified in being taken aback by being made fun of for spelling a name pronounced "Ee-fah" wrong... when there is in fact a silent "o" in the name?

Did anyone else know how that name was spelt?
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May. 23rd, 2007 @ 08:08 pm Another day gone by.
I... am not a camera woman. But the video was fun to make anyhow.
The people in the vid are my three roommates, (Chris from Nova Scotia, Hez from Ottawa and Alaina from Waterloo) my friend Steph from B.C., myself, and two American girls (one from Montana and one from Utah).

Enjoy!

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May. 11th, 2007 @ 02:05 pm Ten observations within my first week in Ireland:
1. If there are blue skies and sunshine, you should be reaching for your umbrella.

2. Pedestrians neither have the right of way, nor do they seem to give two shits. Crossing the street is like a full-contact sport here.

3. There are more Canadians in Dublin than there are Irish people.

4. Irish people sound either cool, hot, or just fucking hysterical, pretty much regardless of what they say.

5. If everyone else at the table orders beer and you order water, the bartender/waiter will occasionally look at you disdainfully. The disdain may or may not be a joke.

6. Hostels are a good place to meet people to chat with or go out to the pub with. You'll have fonder memories if you never actually crash in the room overnight. That's the part that ruins it for you.

7. Guinness does not taste like piss-water here. In a week, I have not had less than one pint a day of Guinness. Fuck the apples. A Guinness a day keeps.. well. The sobriety away?

8. Boys in bars... "pubs"? Much smoother here.

9. Gorgeous gorgeous buidings could just as easy wind up being public washrooms as cathedrals in this place.

10. I don't want to come home.
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May. 3rd, 2007 @ 11:51 pm Ireland, baby.
Ladies and Gents...

The next time you hear from me... I'll be in sunny Ireland.

Shut up, I'm wildly optimistic about the weather... :P

Hope everyone has a fabby summer, I'll be on MSN whenever I can... and my friend Hez and I will be updating and putting up pics on this site:

http://www.virb.com/shamrock

Later folks!

(If my plane goes down, remember me fondly, and perhaps not with my last word being "folks.")
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Apr. 17th, 2007 @ 12:03 pm Another day gone by.
Studying for history of the British Isles, Emily and I have become musical geniuses.

"And.. the bacilli was on the flea.. and the flea was on the rat... and the rat was on the ship.. and the ship was in Sicily... aaaaaaaand the black death spread all around, all around and the black death spread all around!

And on that bacilli...


THERE WAS THE BUBONIC PLAGUE!!!!"
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Apr. 16th, 2007 @ 01:06 pm Will Ferrel Love.
Stupid youtube, takin' down that vid.

http://sjl.funnyordie.com//v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925
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Apr. 9th, 2007 @ 12:11 am WikiQuote.
"Because the pyramids are so structually sound, researchers have now proven that Egyptians did not build the pyramids, but the aliens did."

Sound reason for why professors so blatantly refuse to allow us to use Wikipedia as a reference.
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